NASA To Build Padded Orbital Boner Chamber For The Rich

Occasionally, something big will happen but it seems vaguely lurid and somehow trifling so we skip right over it as news. This is one such item. NASA is adding a luxury hotel annex to the International Space Station, and no shit, it’s not only for the ultra-rich, but it looks like a padded room in a 19th Century insane asylum. I know, I couldn’t believe it either. Axiom, the weirdos behind this venture, plan to glom this ghastly tumor to the space station in 2024. For an estimated 50 million bucks you’ll never get back, you can fly up and hang out in a banana yellow padded room. Wealthy pervs can ostensibly get it on with their bony chicks here, so I’ll bet it comes with suction squeegees for the ‘expansive’ windows. Fuckin’ yuck.

I visited the Axiom website and found many of my favorite descriptors, the ones I use when describing bullet holes in my crime fiction, but also the kind of language you might find in a pamphlet for a high end swinger’s beach orgy.  ‘Immersive’ and of course ‘volume’ dovetail with ‘superyacht’ and ‘luxury’ in a turbo disgusto grimoire of the damned. I- I’m close to speechless.

But make no mistake, dear reader, this is it. Sure, SpaceX is doing bla bla bla, the Chinese are doing (yeah yeah) and even the French are (yawn) but now the writing is on the wall. A space hotel is coming, and its so tacky, so perversely blank, that it can be pointed at as an example of the worst possible future. Half the books I read as a kid were science fiction and I still read a smattering of it to this day. I am offended. There are many prizes in this world. The Oscar. The Nobel Prize. Powerball. But inventive minds need to rebel early on this one. ‘First Orbital Graffiti’, just off the top of my head.

There it is. The yellow, that Safeway banana, isn’t coming though, but its there. If this ad is to be believed, redheads beware.

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